Nobody seemed rested by the day off being truly a day OFF. I personally felt completely exhausted. It’s quite frustrating for me because it feels like my energy has been seriously declining over the last four days or so. It goes fast and I don’t have much time to keep up with the pretty hasty rhythm of the whole process. As I was telling the others – who are clearly concerned looking at me – if my brain is still a bit foggy at times, I’m fully engaged into every aspect of the album’s current build up. So having to compose with a diminished version of myself drives me crazy. I’m not someone that cultivates discouragement or self-pity. I’m not wired to feed victimization or to look for excuses to justify how out of shape I might be. It’s nonetheless a solitary place to be. I guess that’s why I’ve been missing MacKaye so much recently. He had a special way of cheering me up and that unique spark of life we were sharing together is greatly missing in my heart. I know that’s an important piece of my soul that will never be replaced. That’s one of the most difficult parts of my self-imposed delaying grief; the absence… It hurts more than I can explain. So when you are mixing that with my endless recovery, my brain damage and my growing sensation of uselessness, some days are more distressing than others. So I have to keep on pressing on, no matter what, to break that cycle of bleakness before slowly starting to turn in orbit around its negativity, because once you do, you never know how long it will take to free yourself from it. Therefore, I remind myself at heart that it’s all about life life life!!!