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October 10 is World Mental Health Day\u2026 I have always had concerns with the notion of \u201ctheme\u201d days, especially when it\u2019s about daily personal struggles… Theme days come and go, but the inner storm that is mental health remains way after the day leaves and is replaced by pumpkin seeds, autumn leaves or whatever theme might be next. For me, mental illness is a daily battle opposing the gloomy person that I deeply am and the vividly hopeful individual that I have to decide to be every day. I used to be ashamed of what felt like being weak, used to hide that reality from everyone, and became an expert of fake smiles\u2026 But now, I know that I am not the disgracefully powerless reflection I used to cover up in front of everyone who has ever met me. I don\u2019t have to reject or keep a distance from anyone who cares for me and loves me. It\u2019s no mantra, no awakening, no epiphany. It’s a longing desire to \u201cbe\u201d, not pretend. A desire to live, not survive. A desire to let go, not hold on. A desire to taste the real flavors of life, however bitter or fresh they might be. I\u2019m tired of that plastic taste I used to condemn myself to taste, of the neon light I used to call the sun\u2026 But it\u2019s a journey, one that I want to embrace and share.<\/p>
The \u201cAlive. Never Alone.\u201d initiative I recently shared with you allowed me to re-open overlooked questions, to revisit some self-denied memories, and to make peace with painful souvenirs. It\u2019s not easy to be honest with yourself. We need absolutes, but our nature is always evolving. Without having to constantly hit my head with the past, I now acknowledge that it is part of what makes me who I am today and what will keep transforming me as I keep on becoming a little freer with every passing day, as I decide to make \u201clife\u201d my daily \u201ctheme\u201d, even when I don\u2019t feel like it and would gladly focus on any other theme I could find instead. That\u2019s also part of being honest with myself\u2026\u00a0<\/p>
Maybe some of you already heard this story, but I met Elliott Smith once before his passing. I randomly met him at a Cowboy Junkies concert in Montreal on the night of May 21st, 2000. He was playing in Montreal the following night. He was sitting at the bar. He looked so sad and alone. We talked for a little while and I even managed to find my way on his guest list the night after. The show was as gloomy and real as what appeared to me as a longing person.<\/p>
I was sitting at the very place Elliott was, for probably longer than I know or would like to know. The conclusion could have been the same – would have been the same. Am I damaged? Absolutely. Am I broken? Maybe. But no one is ever too broken to be beyond repair. We\u2019re all beat up, cracked, fractured, shattered\u2026 We may feel depressed, crushed, and defeated, but it\u2019s never too late. It\u2019s never too late to talk to a friend, to call a stranger, to scream, cry, pray, whisper, or slowly breathe with your eyes closed\u2026 There\u2019s no reason to walk alone.<\/p>
Today is not about Mental Health. Let\u2019s make it about ourselves.<\/p>
Love,
AHF<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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