{"id":1196,"date":"2021-03-29T09:00:54","date_gmt":"2021-03-29T13:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/?p=1196"},"modified":"2021-03-29T09:00:54","modified_gmt":"2021-03-29T13:00:54","slug":"edition-11-falling-apart-before-falling-into-place","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/edition-11-falling-apart-before-falling-into-place\/","title":{"rendered":"Edition #11 <br> Falling Apart Before Falling Into Place"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"1196\" class=\"elementor elementor-1196\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6cded28f elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6cded28f\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-68d86dbf\" data-id=\"68d86dbf\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7bbe4088 elementor-widget elementor-widget-theme-post-featured-image elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"7bbe4088\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"theme-post-featured-image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"683\" src=\"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-content\/uploads\/20200212_aslowpaceofpeacetocome_cologne_live_6d_0005-1024x683.jpg\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-image-1198\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-content\/uploads\/20200212_aslowpaceofpeacetocome_cologne_live_6d_0005-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-content\/uploads\/20200212_aslowpaceofpeacetocome_cologne_live_6d_0005-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-content\/uploads\/20200212_aslowpaceofpeacetocome_cologne_live_6d_0005-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-content\/uploads\/20200212_aslowpaceofpeacetocome_cologne_live_6d_0005-e1615933858687.jpg 1000w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5162cb4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"5162cb4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3fbc38e8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-theme-post-title elementor-page-title elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"3fbc38e8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"theme-post-title.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h2 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">Edition #11 <br> Falling Apart Before Falling Into Place<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6c1219fd elementor-align-center elementor-mobile-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-post-info\" data-id=\"6c1219fd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"post-info.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul class=\"elementor-inline-items elementor-icon-list-items elementor-post-info\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<li class=\"elementor-icon-list-item elementor-repeater-item-8d55559 elementor-inline-item\" itemprop=\"datePublished\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-icon-list-text elementor-post-info__item elementor-post-info__item--type-date\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<time>29\/03\/2021<\/time>\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n\t\t\t\t<\/ul>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-285c019 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"285c019\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5868a8b9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"5868a8b9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>I saw you fronting Your Favorite Enemies in Manchester in 2014 and you guys totally blew me away! Then you vanished for a while and came back under your own name but with the same lineup of musicians you had with YFE. What was your decision based on? And don\u2019t get me wrong I totally dig your new musical approach, but I was just wondering why start over with the same people when you already had something really neat going on for you? Thanks for taking the time!<br \/><br \/>&#8211; Mick, Sheffield, UK<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-19636b1 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"19636b1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-64ecd15 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"64ecd15\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>You\u2019re right, it doesn\u2019t make much sense when you look at it from a distance. Especially considering that Your Favorite Enemies was really starting to make some major noise and that our album \u201cBetween Illness and Migration\u201d had been well received pretty much everywhere. We toured quite a lot to promote the album, actually almost toured the world before releasing the album\u2019s deluxe version! \u201cTokyo Sessions\u201d, it is titled, was not only re-recorded but was also a total revisitation of the songs. That project received an impressive welcome and gathered a fantastic reaction from most of the people who gave it a listen. At that point, I believe we were probably another solid record away from establishing ourselves as a major act\u2026 So what happened, you wonder?<br \/><br \/>Well, the concise answer is that something broke down deep inside me and I just wasn\u2019t able to keep going that way. The constant tensions within the band along with my father\u2019s passing, the everlasting pressure to go on\u2026 It all got me physically ill, for several years at that point, my emotional exhaustion led to a major burn out which turned into a profound depression. All that while touring excessively, producing short movies after short movies, being nominated for all sorts of awards, and being pushed some more. Came a point where I wasn\u2019t able to move and felt paralyzed in every possible way, isolated from the others, feeling humiliated to be so weak and fragile, and ashamed to deprive my friends of their dreams. I left for Tangier without any intention to ever come back.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-44be34eb elementor-blockquote--skin-quotation elementor-widget elementor-widget-blockquote\" data-id=\"44be34eb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"blockquote.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<blockquote class=\"elementor-blockquote\">\n\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-blockquote__content\">\n\t\t\t\tIt was a matter of either being real and free or accepting to completely vanish into an illusionary projection of someone whose suffering I didn\u2019t wish would end.\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2ffce4f1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2ffce4f1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>What came after is the result of 2 years living in Morocco, where I was able to muse about it all: my relationship with my father, with the other members of the band, with the members of the community I was living with. The purpose I had always felt a calling for had completely lost its meaning, I had no perspective of it. It was a reflective period about me, as a person, about being honest with myself. It was a pivotal moment where I had to decide if I wanted to keep on living in the shadows of my own pretending or if I wanted to look into the reasons that got me there in the first place, even if I might not find any answers at the end of that painful process. It was a matter of either being real and free or accepting to completely vanish into an illusionary projection of someone whose suffering I didn\u2019t wish would end. Let\u2019s say that my music career was far from being the object of my reflections\u2026 that topic would come later in the process.<\/p><p>I didn\u2019t really know at the time what I wanted to do with my life, but it was clear that I wouldn\u2019t go back with Your Favorite Enemies. It was emotionally and psychologically too destructive for me and the only idea to go back with the band would give me nausea and panic attacks. There was something broken within me and that was immensely related to the unhealthy relationship I had with the other band members. It was sadly a classic case of a genuine friendship turned into a form of communicative toxicity. I just wasn\u2019t able to foresee any positive outcome with the 6 of us reunited to give life to new creative ventures. I thought maybe that time spent apart would give us some peace, or at least some clarity about it all, and it did &#8211; after 18 months.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5199b506 elementor-blockquote--skin-quotation elementor-widget elementor-widget-blockquote\" data-id=\"5199b506\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"blockquote.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<blockquote class=\"elementor-blockquote\">\n\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-blockquote__content\">\n\t\t\t\tAnd when I began assembling all the pieces, I only saw Ben and Jeff out of the YFE lineup.\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5a8438a2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"5a8438a2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>We rekindled in Tangier after I invited them to come to visit for a week, which became 6 months. We had the opportunity to address some situations, expose some wounds, and shed major light on our broken friendships. It was difficult to have those \u201ctell-all\u201d conversations\u2026 And as much as I love those guys \u2014 always had, always will \u2014 I didn\u2019t want to experience any of the emotional turmoil anymore, I just couldn\u2019t fathom that possibility. I had to let go, to mourn that season of my life, and to keep on healing what was still broken inside. And to do so, I had to take full ownership of the journey I went through and assume the emotions that would eventually give life to my album \u201cWindows in the Sky\u201d. I had to \u201cbe\u201d and stop hiding within the fail-safe reality of being part of a group. It was time to face my own paradoxes.<br \/><br \/>Therefore, when I finally accepted to play a one-off concert at the Festival International de Jazz de Montr\u00e9al to honor my father\u2019s passing, I started to envision the type of band I had always dreamed of having. And when I began assembling all the pieces, I only saw Ben and Jeff out of the YFE lineup. It wasn\u2019t against Sef, Moose, or Miss Isabel, nor was I identifying them as the ones responsible for the collective problems we had in the past. It was only related to the high importance to remain focussed and totally invested in the nature of the event itself. To be able to do that, I needed a \u201csafe space\u201d to keep on evolving as an individual and to be able to fully dwell in my creative motion. I took the time to explain the reasons behind that lineup decision and exposed why I wasn\u2019t interested in any form of YFE revival. I still didn\u2019t know what I wanted to do after that concert and didn\u2019t want to give anybody false expectations. But above all, that moment was about my father\u2019s memory\u2026<\/p><p>As for why every Your Favorite Enemies band member ultimately joined me, I think it all slowly happened as our relationship was restored. It took place naturally and gradually. I saw the great deal of effort everybody was making to support me in the creation of something I believed was more important than myself. They had to accept that it wouldn\u2019t be like it was during the YFE tenure anymore. It was a totally different spirit that would conduct the musical stream. It wouldn\u2019t be about how good or cool individual parts were. My only interest was in the free essence of the songs\u2026 So we gave it a try, and it evolved into something none of us were expecting. We couldn\u2019t explain what it was nor comprehend its nature, but it was perfect in all its imperfection, and everything was suddenly in its right place.\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-67e403cb elementor-blockquote--skin-quotation elementor-widget elementor-widget-blockquote\" data-id=\"67e403cb\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"blockquote.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<blockquote class=\"elementor-blockquote\">\n\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-blockquote__content\">\n\t\t\t\tWe, as individuals and as a collective, weren\u2019t the same anymore, and I didn\u2019t have any apprehension nor any doubts\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2f9f4b4f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2f9f4b4f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>And when it was time for me to determine if I wanted to keep on going after the Festival International de Jazz de Montr\u00e9al, I wished to do so with them. We, as individuals and as a collective, weren\u2019t the same anymore, and I didn\u2019t have any apprehension nor any doubts of us slipping back into the toxicity we suffered from before. I\u2019m not only greatly serene about it all, but with how cheerful our recent European tour has been, I\u2019m now impatient to discover what we will be able to give life to in such renewed conditions\u2026<\/p><p>So that\u2019s the short answer to a very long and singular kind of story. And it is also the reason why I am presently working on a book that will offer a more detailed and more personal insight on that period, which will cover the \u201cWindows in the Sky\u201d pre-release listening sessions I held in Tokyo up to the moment I decided to work on the \u201cStanding Under Bright Lights\u201d project.<\/p><p>I hope it answers your question, Mick, and for everyone who already sent me a question,\u00a0I\u2019ll try to publish a new journal as often as possible\u2026 Don\u2019t hesitate to keep on sending me your questions, no matter the subject you\u2019d like me to share.<\/p><p>Be safe,<br \/>Much love always,<br \/>AHF<\/p><p>PS: I forgot\u2026! As for Manchester, it has always been special for me to play there. I\u2019ve been a fan of so many bands that originated from that scene! Therefore, every concert I have ever played in Manchester has been memorable for a reason or another, from chipping a tooth, fracturing my hand on a drum, or having to find new words and melody when I totally forgot one of the songs we were playing (I\u2019m still wondering if any of the other YFE members noticed &#8211; which is quite representative of how insanely loud we usually played).<\/p><p>And obviously, my very first solo appearance in Manchester isn\u2019t an exception. I had lost my voice during the afternoon soundcheck &#8211; totally gone. But nonetheless, I went on stage and gave the concert a bit more of an instrumental dimension to start with, until my voice came back mid-set. It became one of the most \u201craging\u201d concerts of the whole tour! I mean, there is no way I would have canceled a gig in that city, never!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-3ead9404 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"3ead9404\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-7ad83c90\" data-id=\"7ad83c90\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4df2730a elementor-widget elementor-widget-spacer\" data-id=\"4df2730a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"spacer.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-spacer-inner\"><\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-1eb73951 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"1eb73951\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-5197b4d9\" data-id=\"5197b4d9\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-78b0d8d9 elementor-align-center elementor-widget elementor-widget-global elementor-global-153 elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"78b0d8d9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-button-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-xl\" href=\"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/ask-a-question\/\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Ask a Question<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I saw you fronting Your Favorite Enemies in Manchester in 2014 and you guys totally blew me away! Then you &#8230; <\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more-container\"><a title=\"Edition #11  Falling Apart Before Falling Into Place\" class=\"read-more button\" href=\"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/edition-11-falling-apart-before-falling-into-place\/#more-1196\">Read more<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Edition #11 <br \/> Falling Apart Before Falling Into Place<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1198,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-from-a-stranger-to-another","generate-columns","tablet-grid-50","mobile-grid-100","grid-parent","grid-50","no-featured-image-padding"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1196","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1196"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1196\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1196"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1196"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alexhenryfoster.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1196"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}