Loving Little “Crap” / Meds Madness / Ballad of Sleeping Leo
I woke up before 6 am, unable to sleep no more, even though I felt completely burned out, as if I had spent my whole day off walking for hours, running like crazy, and entertaining all evening. Oh wait, it’s exactly what I did. I went to bed when my mother, who was in full birthday party mode, told me.
– Mom: “Oh boy, you really look tired baby. You should go to bed”, speaking with a compassionate voice.
– Me (answering with a reassuring voice): “It’s alright Mom, it’s not even 10 pm and there’s an unwritten rule that says you shouldn’t let your mother party more than you.”
– Mom (re-insisting with a more serious tone): ”I know love, but you really look like…” (Hesitation… probably thinking about a wonderful and empowering word only a caring mother can say).
“You really look like shit”, she said with a serious vibe.
– Me (with a voice of indignation): “WHAT?!? DID YOU SAY “SHIT”? MOM, you’re not supposed to use that kind of bad word, especially not when you’re talking to me.”
– Mom (laughing): “You know what I mean. Not shit, but tired…”
– Me (with more indignation): “YOU SAID SHIT!”
– Mom: Laughing…
– Me (addressing the party attendees): “Hey Guys, my mom just said I was “shit” acting, broken and confused.
– Mom: Laughing and laughing… unable to talk.
– Me: “Look at her. On top of calling me a SHIT, she’s laughing at me… Incredible.”
Everybody started to call my mom out.
– Mom (barely able to breath and laughing): “Let’s go to bed my loving little shit. Let’s go, let your mom party now…”
– Everybody was laughing and the “little loving shit” hugged his mom, said goodnight, and went to bed.
Now what?!? It’s 6:30 am and I’m writing nonsense already. Alone in my joint office, laughing with myself… Or should I say, with my selves?! It’s hard to say at some point who is in charge in the morning. “The Old fragmented Me” or the “New Me”. Oh well, we’ll soon figure it out, I guess.
– Mom: “Oh boy, you really look tired baby. You should go to bed”, speaking with a compassionate voice.
– Me (answering with a reassuring voice): “It’s alright Mom, it’s not even 10 pm and there’s an unwritten rule that says you shouldn’t let your mother party more than you.”
– Mom (re-insisting with a more serious tone): ”I know love, but you really look like…” (Hesitation… probably thinking about a wonderful and empowering word only a caring mother can say).
“You really look like shit”, she said with a serious vibe.
– Me (with a voice of indignation): “WHAT?!? DID YOU SAY “SHIT”? MOM, you’re not supposed to use that kind of bad word, especially not when you’re talking to me.”
– Mom (laughing): “You know what I mean. Not shit, but tired…”
– Me (with more indignation): “YOU SAID SHIT!”
– Mom: Laughing…
– Me (addressing the party attendees): “Hey Guys, my mom just said I was “shit” acting, broken and confused.
– Mom: Laughing and laughing… unable to talk.
– Me: “Look at her. On top of calling me a SHIT, she’s laughing at me… Incredible.”
Everybody started to call my mom out.
– Mom (barely able to breath and laughing): “Let’s go to bed my loving little shit. Let’s go, let your mom party now…”
– Everybody was laughing and the “little loving shit” hugged his mom, said goodnight, and went to bed.
Now what?!? It’s 6:30 am and I’m writing nonsense already. Alone in my joint office, laughing with myself… Or should I say, with my selves?! It’s hard to say at some point who is in charge in the morning. “The Old fragmented Me” or the “New Me”. Oh well, we’ll soon figure it out, I guess.
Less Pills…YES!!! More Stronger Pills…CRAP!!!
I believe my new meds cycle has something to do with my inability to have a decent sleeping night recently. My inner clock is a bit all over the place right now. It’s so weird, to be honest… I was naively happy to have fewer pills to intake in the morning. It meant I was feeling better, that I was going in the right direction… Not that fast Alex, it’s never that easy. They simply have been replaced with stronger ones… what a letdown. At least the new cycle of meds prevents me from being totally off-synch for most of my day, which was a constant battle against tiredness until 2 days ago, emotional highs and lows, dizziness, and nausea… I felt more “normal”. The new type of “normal” I should say. I have yet to feel like myself still, which is kind of strange to say because I know for a fact that my psyche has changed, but I can’t do anything about it. It’s still a reality I find deeply difficult to deal with, let alone accept. And if I’ll have to embrace it at some point, I’m just puzzled about it all. It’s not that I find it particularly good or bad, it’s just confusing… it’s truly like having 2 specific versions of my brain implanted in a stranger’s body that somehow looks like myself. I definitely should have stayed in bed, like Leonard did. He didn’t even come to the office with me. He just stayed in bed and let me know that he wasn’t buying into my new crazy schedule. New meds or not, he doesn’t need 2 brains to confuse him. He clearly has one very strong-willed one, that probably said: WHAT, 5:45 am?! No way, I’ll stay in bed and cover for your absence.” Ah, Leonard…always so supportive…NOT!!!
Ballad of Sleeping Leo
