It’s no longer a secret that it was immensely difficult for me to leave Virginia, MacKaye’s passing being the major affective focal point. But underneath lay the emotional damages associated with all the years I spent in what we call our Church-Studio/HQ. I’m in the process of writing a book about it… So the sole idea of having to spend the next 3 months here was suffocating for me. I can intellectualize and compartmentalize as much as I want; it’s about my new project, it’s one of the best studios in North America, it will go by fast, and I will grow from it… True on all counts. But I accepted a long time ago that some spiritual wounds will never completely heal. It’s not fatalism, it’s reality, as much as it is a coping mechanism and a self-imposed failsafe to protect my soul from any other abuse. And indeed, it was difficult to set foot here, no matter how fabulous of a party took place upon arrival. That constant burning sensation is too vivid to pretend it ain’t there; it is. I took a day to settle down… Leonard hates the place, which didn’t help me to find a true logical answer to “What the heck am I doing here, really?”. 

I made sure everyone at the HQ would know that my emotions weren’t in any way attributed to their presence. They were mine, no matter if they had been involved — or not — in any of the situations that caused me to suffer to this day. That pain is all mine to deal with. I’m just not the type of person to blame others or to feed bitterness by re-writing a narrative that would fit what I would like to make out of it all, as accommodating as it might be for me or anyone else.