Are You Scared of Needles?
Another week, another medical appointment to start my Monday with. This time with my generalist doctor for a full body exam. Hopefully, I was in a good mood and always enjoyed seeing her; she’s not only a wonderful person, but she helped me navigate through so many health problems I had in the past. Yes, I used to have more problems than I currently have now. Well, not really, but almost, if you can even believe it. No wonder why I feel like the character from the old-school kids game “Operation”…
She has also been instrumental in helping me navigate the grief of my father’s death, years after his passing, a process that put me on a path that would ultimately lead me to Tangier, where I would see my life being entirely transformed afterward… Consequently, every time I meet her, it’s more in the likes of catching up with our lives than a strict medical rendezvous, which is fine by me, as I’m getting a little tired of ending up with more syringe holes all over my body from one week to another…
I didn’t realize that the last occasion on which we actually saw each other was after my last tour; in August 2022. That was when she found out my heart had a major problem and required an urgent procedure – urgent like in NOW type of urgent. What happened was something like this:
Doc: So, how was your tour? I saw your pictures and videos, it looked grandiose!
Me: Yes, I’m very happy. (She put her stethoscope on my chest) I think we’re starting to touch some measure of the invisible I’m looking for in creation.
Doc: Can you take a deep breath and let go, please?
Me: (Inhale, exhale) So yeah, I’m happy with the way everything is evolving right now. Next year is almost fully booked, studio, concerts, festivals, and all… It’s really–
Doc: (Interrupting me) Can you go to the hospital right now?
Me: What do you mean?!? I’m flying back home to Virginia in a few hours…
Doc: You cannot take a plane in your condition. Go to the hospital, I will send a request for you to be checked out through an MRI as fast as possible. I really don’t like what I am hearing…
Me: What? But I…
I would learn I needed a double-graft heart surgery shortly after. To make it a bit more dramatic for the sake of the narrative, she basically saved my life that day. Would I had dealt with her appointment the way I usually deal with my health, I would indeed be dead.
Therefore it was great not being sent out to the emergency in a hurry this time around. Besides the “normal” problems since my surgery and all the side effects of my meds, I wasn’t in that bad of a general shape…
Doc: Have you stopped coffee?
Me: I drink a little less lately…
Doc: Are you still drinking alcohol?
Me: Once in a while.
Doc: Are you exercising?
Me: I used to, but now I’m in the studio full time, so not so much.
Doc: Are you still under stressful situations?
Me: Are there any “unstressful” situations?
We talked about the psychological aspects of the surgery, how off-synch I felt, and how frustrated I was with still being low in energy. She patiently listened to me, and then said: “You know that you should be dead right now, Alex, right? 10 years ago, the surgery you had didn’t even exist. You have died during one of your concerts. You almost died on the surgery table. You almost died 7 days later in the intensive care unit. I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself and look at it all from a global perspective. You came back from the dead, so why don’t you give yourself a break? You will need another year to build yourself back. It’s all about steps. The test results from your one-year post-surgery mark were all good, especially your heart. You don’t remember the bad shape you were in when you came here last time? Look at this.” She turned her computer screen around to show me the email I sent her while I was on tour, along with her notes. Flash strokes; 3 times. Brief fainting on stage; twice. Blackout episode climbing stairs on a ferry. High heart palpitations during a soundcheck. Dizzy every time I stood up after sitting for a few minutes during the last week of the tour. The list kept going… It was pretty obvious that I was about to hit a wall, living my life at 300 miles an hour, the outcome would have been quite tragic. While I’m deeply grateful for that second chance at life, maybe I do have to enjoy it a little more…
She asked me about my different ongoing projects for a bit before she handed me a piece of paper to give to her nurse… for blood tests. “Blood tests?” I asked. “I didn’t remember you being scared of syringes, Alex.” It isn’t as much that I am scared that I am tired of feeling like a walking blood bag. But I didn’t have to worry, because I would be sitting the whole time. Not that this was my concern… But she had a fair point. Just not the same as mine… 😉
FYI: I did sit and it seemed like they filled more vials with blood than I thought my body contained. With all those blood tests and new body holes, I feel like I’m officially in the process of becoming a Lite Brite canvas or something. Fun times…!
Funny note: When it was my turn to get in her office, the doc looked at my feet and said, smiling: “Alex, even you need to put the crocs on. There’s no rock star exception here. Let’s go!” I turned around and saw about 20 pairs of Crocs with the public note: “For hygiene reasons, remove your shoes and put those fashionable Crocs on, thank you.” I smiled doing so… My first Crocs experience! I went back, and she said: “Even Post Malone wears Crocs, Alex, and those are black, so no need to worry about losing your swag!” I laughed thinking I hadn’t even said anything. “I know what you’re thinking, Alex, I’m your doctor,” she laughed. “Oh, I need to be careful about what I’m thinking of, then!”
I didn’t realize that the last occasion on which we actually saw each other was after my last tour; in August 2022. That was when she found out my heart had a major problem and required an urgent procedure – urgent like in NOW type of urgent. What happened was something like this:
Doc: So, how was your tour? I saw your pictures and videos, it looked grandiose!
Me: Yes, I’m very happy. (She put her stethoscope on my chest) I think we’re starting to touch some measure of the invisible I’m looking for in creation.
Doc: Can you take a deep breath and let go, please?
Me: (Inhale, exhale) So yeah, I’m happy with the way everything is evolving right now. Next year is almost fully booked, studio, concerts, festivals, and all… It’s really–
Doc: (Interrupting me) Can you go to the hospital right now?
Me: What do you mean?!? I’m flying back home to Virginia in a few hours…
Doc: You cannot take a plane in your condition. Go to the hospital, I will send a request for you to be checked out through an MRI as fast as possible. I really don’t like what I am hearing…
Me: What? But I…
I would learn I needed a double-graft heart surgery shortly after. To make it a bit more dramatic for the sake of the narrative, she basically saved my life that day. Would I had dealt with her appointment the way I usually deal with my health, I would indeed be dead.
Therefore it was great not being sent out to the emergency in a hurry this time around. Besides the “normal” problems since my surgery and all the side effects of my meds, I wasn’t in that bad of a general shape…
Doc: Have you stopped coffee?
Me: I drink a little less lately…
Doc: Are you still drinking alcohol?
Me: Once in a while.
Doc: Are you exercising?
Me: I used to, but now I’m in the studio full time, so not so much.
Doc: Are you still under stressful situations?
Me: Are there any “unstressful” situations?
We talked about the psychological aspects of the surgery, how off-synch I felt, and how frustrated I was with still being low in energy. She patiently listened to me, and then said: “You know that you should be dead right now, Alex, right? 10 years ago, the surgery you had didn’t even exist. You have died during one of your concerts. You almost died on the surgery table. You almost died 7 days later in the intensive care unit. I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself and look at it all from a global perspective. You came back from the dead, so why don’t you give yourself a break? You will need another year to build yourself back. It’s all about steps. The test results from your one-year post-surgery mark were all good, especially your heart. You don’t remember the bad shape you were in when you came here last time? Look at this.” She turned her computer screen around to show me the email I sent her while I was on tour, along with her notes. Flash strokes; 3 times. Brief fainting on stage; twice. Blackout episode climbing stairs on a ferry. High heart palpitations during a soundcheck. Dizzy every time I stood up after sitting for a few minutes during the last week of the tour. The list kept going… It was pretty obvious that I was about to hit a wall, living my life at 300 miles an hour, the outcome would have been quite tragic. While I’m deeply grateful for that second chance at life, maybe I do have to enjoy it a little more…
She asked me about my different ongoing projects for a bit before she handed me a piece of paper to give to her nurse… for blood tests. “Blood tests?” I asked. “I didn’t remember you being scared of syringes, Alex.” It isn’t as much that I am scared that I am tired of feeling like a walking blood bag. But I didn’t have to worry, because I would be sitting the whole time. Not that this was my concern… But she had a fair point. Just not the same as mine… 😉
FYI: I did sit and it seemed like they filled more vials with blood than I thought my body contained. With all those blood tests and new body holes, I feel like I’m officially in the process of becoming a Lite Brite canvas or something. Fun times…!
Funny note: When it was my turn to get in her office, the doc looked at my feet and said, smiling: “Alex, even you need to put the crocs on. There’s no rock star exception here. Let’s go!” I turned around and saw about 20 pairs of Crocs with the public note: “For hygiene reasons, remove your shoes and put those fashionable Crocs on, thank you.” I smiled doing so… My first Crocs experience! I went back, and she said: “Even Post Malone wears Crocs, Alex, and those are black, so no need to worry about losing your swag!” I laughed thinking I hadn’t even said anything. “I know what you’re thinking, Alex, I’m your doctor,” she laughed. “Oh, I need to be careful about what I’m thinking of, then!”
