Band - “Fight“ Night - Part 1
Alex Henry “Xavier” Foster VS Ben “Wolverine” Lemelin
Tension is always an elusive element floating around when you collaborate with intimate friends on what is a very significant project for everyone involved. It’s especially true when that so-called project has to be lived, and in order to do so, it needs to be the object of an entire let-go, both personally and collectively. Add the fact that the creative journey includes 6 totally different types of people, all very talented, with their own perspectives on art, and their own particular vision of the songs. Nothing wrong could potentially happen, right? Well, what about adding the fact that the leader of that whole operation is worn out, that his best friend and longtime collaborator is exhausted, and that they feel under a whole lot of pressure due to time, and the fast-paced process and extensive amount of work that needs to be done on their record to make it theirs? All the while both of them have to dedicate themselves to other ventures at the same time. Those are only the most obvious details of what’s in place. And if nobody is complaining and everybody is deeply into it, the combination of all those inflammable ingredients could turn a nice pink sparkle “Barbie cupcake” into a black black black “exploding Oppenheimer cake” in no time. And guess what? Against all odds, it took us an incredible 2-month timeframe before the inevitable actually happened… FIGHT NIGHT.
Tension is always an elusive element floating around when you collaborate with intimate friends on what is a very significant project for everyone involved. It’s especially true when that so-called project has to be lived, and in order to do so, it needs to be the object of an entire let-go, both personally and collectively. Add the fact that the creative journey includes 6 totally different types of people, all very talented, with their own perspectives on art, and their own particular vision of the songs. Nothing wrong could potentially happen, right? Well, what about adding the fact that the leader of that whole operation is worn out, that his best friend and longtime collaborator is exhausted, and that they feel under a whole lot of pressure due to time, and the fast-paced process and extensive amount of work that needs to be done on their record to make it theirs? All the while both of them have to dedicate themselves to other ventures at the same time. Those are only the most obvious details of what’s in place. And if nobody is complaining and everybody is deeply into it, the combination of all those inflammable ingredients could turn a nice pink sparkle “Barbie cupcake” into a black black black “exploding Oppenheimer cake” in no time. And guess what? Against all odds, it took us an incredible 2-month timeframe before the inevitable actually happened… FIGHT NIGHT.
Nothing was really predisposing us to the nonsense we would experience that upcoming evening. On the contrary, we had several positive and empowering conversations all together during the day. We laughed and fooled around as we were doing our mandatory 10k steps. One subject happened to be a little more intense than the others, which was my health and the upcoming production schedule. As everyone kept on telling me to slow down, to set my rhythm, and to listen to my body instead of my usual GO GO GO drive, I explained that it’s still very difficult for me to adjust my enthusiastic fast-paced will with my slow recovering body. Jeff kept on telling me that I am the one dictating the pace and therefore that I have to follow my pace, not anyone else’s. Ben, who’s more graphic in his way of expressing himself, had different words to remind me that I had just recently come back from the dead and that I needed to enjoy my second chance at life. It was positive. I opened up about my stress, my fears, and my apprehension.
Ben said: “Alex Henry, you have to accept that the psychological disturbances you are so eloquently exposing to your friends are the inherent products of the stigmata created by your incapacity of regaining control of your former self following your surgery. I’m no psychiatrist, but it appears to me that you are actually facing the affective turmoil resulting from a classic form of post-traumatic disorder, which is triggered by your anxiety about missing the mark of your present opportunity and therefore failing yourself and everybody you love and care about.”
That’s it, it’s normal. Well, he said it in a – how can I say? – in a more familiar kind of way. Using more – how can I describe them? – less academic type of words. Anyway, he was right. Same for Jeff, who concisely insisted on saying: “It’s your call, it’s all your call. So make the call and we’ll support you.” See, everything was pretty positive and empowering… and funny.
Ben said: “Alex Henry, you have to accept that the psychological disturbances you are so eloquently exposing to your friends are the inherent products of the stigmata created by your incapacity of regaining control of your former self following your surgery. I’m no psychiatrist, but it appears to me that you are actually facing the affective turmoil resulting from a classic form of post-traumatic disorder, which is triggered by your anxiety about missing the mark of your present opportunity and therefore failing yourself and everybody you love and care about.”
That’s it, it’s normal. Well, he said it in a – how can I say? – in a more familiar kind of way. Using more – how can I describe them? – less academic type of words. Anyway, he was right. Same for Jeff, who concisely insisted on saying: “It’s your call, it’s all your call. So make the call and we’ll support you.” See, everything was pretty positive and empowering… and funny.
The early evening could be divided into 2 parts. In the first part, the guys were in the studio working on a different form for the song “Burning The Bridges”, which I felt was lacking and too remote from who we are. To be fair, it was the very first song we started working on when Mikko arrived. It was the very first time I sang in over a year and was standing in the Upper Room’s live rehearsal space with the rest of the band. Even though I liked the sensations it gave me when I let myself go in the song, I wanted to revisit the whole affair now that I was a little more “unfrozen”, all that while I was working on the upcoming project’s vinyl and CD visuals and aesthetics with Stephanie. No need to say we were on quite a different artistic vibe. I like to do that. We are progressing at the same pace while being in parallel creative processes. I was particularly proud of Stephanie, who once again managed to capture the coloration’s profound essence I was looking for, out of my non-deciphering cryptic language.
The second part of the event wasn’t as glorious. At least, the beginning of it was a real disaster, as when I joined the rest of the band in the studio to listen to what they had recorded, I really disliked what I heard and for whatever reason, the way I expressed myself to explain what I didn’t like was too intense for what it was, which triggered a heated reaction from Ben as a response to my comments. That escalating argument culminated in me standing up to leave the studio, almost tripping in the process. Ben had to catch my fall from his pedal board. I spilled coffee everywhere and said something like: “You want me to speak out, but you are not listening to me or don’t like what I say.” Not really the most mature of all reactions there was. So I left, followed by Jeff who wanted to know what was truly happening because my reaction was so out of character. I was still trying to explain that I didn’t know what just happened when Ben showed up. He didn’t want to let that situation put a distance between us, so we kept on explaining our different points of view. It was quite a ridiculous situation to begin with. I explained that I was exhausted, that my reaction was completely out of line and disrespectful, that I just felt rushed, and that it wasn’t the way I was creating. I went on saying that it was more about the song’s time and structures than heart and soul, that it wasn’t me, and that I don’t want to be trapped or to feel trapped like it’s been during my tenure with Your Favorite Enemies.
It was clearly way beyond that guitar part I didn’t like on a chorus, but more about spiritual artistic dispossession. Ben shared that he was exhausted as well and that he felt an insane pressure to go fast and deliver. We ended up laughing, especially at my disgraceful attempt to leave the studio. I said that I felt like a guy who had done a bank robbery but had forgotten his runaway car keys at the cashier’s counter. So we laughed some more. We both apologized for having missed out on our mutual desire to offer the best versions of ourselves to each other. We hugged and laughed some more. We exchanged a few texts about that nonsense later on and I pretended it was all a play to add some drama to my studio diary. That happiness ain’t selling — even though my journal is free for everyone to read. 🙂 Ben kept on sending me stuff I should add in the diary, obviously saying that he was the victim of a savage verbal attack on the best guitar part that music history won’t be able to know about (no, it wasn’t 🙂 ). And that I had threatened him to seize all of my guitars he has been using (Not true, who would play? I was pissed off, but I’m not crazy 🙂 ), that I said I would call my managers to handle him (I don’t see myself calling them over a guitar part, or ANYTHING ELSE, while they are on vacation). He told me he’d start a counter-diary to refute everything or sue me for misusage of his name. 🙂 We fooled around for hours… Some of it was too “funny” to even write about it.
We were still laughing the morning after and got back to the studio to settle that guitar catastrophe. Ben and I finally agreed that the “controversial” guitar part was Sef’s attempt to break our relationship in order to take over the band and the whole creative process. And jokes aside, I was moved to see that Ben and I were able to express ourselves, but more importantly, just how important our friendship is, and that we need to keep on communicating how we fell for real, and to allow ourselves to express each other no matter how justified or not it could be, to prevent our stress and exhaustion from setting a distance between us. It all goes back to the love and affection we have for each other, a little like Professor Xavier towards Wolverine, for any X-Men fan that might read this. Snoopy and Woodstock in Peanuts, Bert and Ernie in Sesame Street, Mario and Luigi in Super Mario Bros, Nemo and Dory, Shrek and Donkey, Jules and Vincent in Pulp Fiction, Woody and Buzz in Toy Story, Arnold and Danny in the movie Twins… I mean, you got the point… an amazing duo of friends. (No need to help you identify who’s who in those duos, right? 😉
We were still laughing the morning after and got back to the studio to settle that guitar catastrophe. Ben and I finally agreed that the “controversial” guitar part was Sef’s attempt to break our relationship in order to take over the band and the whole creative process. And jokes aside, I was moved to see that Ben and I were able to express ourselves, but more importantly, just how important our friendship is, and that we need to keep on communicating how we fell for real, and to allow ourselves to express each other no matter how justified or not it could be, to prevent our stress and exhaustion from setting a distance between us. It all goes back to the love and affection we have for each other, a little like Professor Xavier towards Wolverine, for any X-Men fan that might read this. Snoopy and Woodstock in Peanuts, Bert and Ernie in Sesame Street, Mario and Luigi in Super Mario Bros, Nemo and Dory, Shrek and Donkey, Jules and Vincent in Pulp Fiction, Woody and Buzz in Toy Story, Arnold and Danny in the movie Twins… I mean, you got the point… an amazing duo of friends. (No need to help you identify who’s who in those duos, right? 😉
Oh, before I forget, “Burning the Bridges” now sounds amazing. Sometimes, it takes a humble genius to figure out what is wrong in a song. Ben feels exactly the same way as me. See… we’re already on the same page on this one 😉
