Edition #29
A Quick Update on My Health Following My Heart Surgery
My dear brothers, sisters, friends, and loved ones,
I hope you are doing great, and that you are able to feel the warmth of this new season’s upcoming promises floating around these days. Virginia is in full bloom right now. The mountain where I live is a vibrant testimony of spectacular rebirths, where every little blessing I had forgotten during what felt like a never-ending winter is now clothed in millions of colorful pieces of brightness and soft comforting perfumes. That vivid display of life luminously creating life everywhere my eyes lay their wary sight is truly helpful for me to accept the ever-too-slow process associated with the recovery from my heart surgery.
I hope you are doing great, and that you are able to feel the warmth of this new season’s upcoming promises floating around these days. Virginia is in full bloom right now. The mountain where I live is a vibrant testimony of spectacular rebirths, where every little blessing I had forgotten during what felt like a never-ending winter is now clothed in millions of colorful pieces of brightness and soft comforting perfumes. That vivid display of life luminously creating life everywhere my eyes lay their wary sight is truly helpful for me to accept the ever-too-slow process associated with the recovery from my heart surgery.
If I finally acknowledged the fact that my body was in such a terrible condition that it now requires way more time to heal, it’s the emotional aspect related to that whole journey that tends to be more challenging for me. It’s still barely possible for me to have proper walks with my pups MacKaye and Leonard, to concentrate long enough to write or read, I can’t talk for long or do much — if any — of the creative projects I usually consecrate most of my time to. There’s quite a lot of letting go and abandonment involved in all of this, particularly regarding the plans I had for 2023.
That’s why, as you may have learned already, it’s with profound sadness that I have to announce that, due to my still too fragile health condition and my specialists’ persistent disapproval, I had to take the dreadful decision to not only cancel my presence with The Long Shadows at festivals this summer — and along with it the joyful expectation I had of meeting you once again — but also to cancel the massive autumn European tour I was supposed to announce next week. I don’t need to tell you that it came out as a massive reality check for me, but even more so for my bandmates, crew members, numerous collaborators, and partners in crime who all had dedicatedly worked so hard to organize and set everything up for me to be back on the road in the coming months. The sole idea of having to make that cancellation/rescheduling call bore terrible sensations and left me emotionally stranded for quite a while. Letting people down is the worst of all feelings for me, especially as everyone has been so earnestly supportive and faithfully benevolent toward me. But regardless of my heartrending feelings, it’s nonetheless the best and most sensible decision I could make for the sake of my recovery at this point.
On a shinier note, this momentary powerlessness allows me to contemplate the kaleidoscopic multi-layered journey my existence has been up to this very point in time. Unable to move much or to talk for long, I started begging to hear… Discovering, learning, and evolving until I am able to listen, which I have never been too good at, as you may have guessed. Nature is a tremendous source of self-reflective honesty. I found it highly spiritual to observe it, to be part of a whole rather than the center that holds everything around me. Miss Isabel even bought me binoculars; she must have been tired of hearing me constantly talk about birds. The band has been teasing me ever since I mentioned wanting to buy a telescope! But don’t worry, I’m not on that kind of meds and I haven’t traded my high-buttoned shirts for long white robes either. I’m simply admiring what I’ve overlooked all my life, too busy running everywhere, principally away from myself. I won’t lie, it hurts to be grounded as I am right now. But I realized that I had been longing for that evolving stream way before I had my cardiac grafts, although I was resisting the enduring motion pressuring me to follow my instincts to outgrow my fears to expand my views and be transformed from deep within. The restriction of my willingness to truly change is often tied up to my misconception of what it means to continually emancipate myself. I don’t need a long-term vision to see it all clearly now… It took me a while, but I’ve never been more awakened and sincere than I have been lately…
That’s why, as you may have learned already, it’s with profound sadness that I have to announce that, due to my still too fragile health condition and my specialists’ persistent disapproval, I had to take the dreadful decision to not only cancel my presence with The Long Shadows at festivals this summer — and along with it the joyful expectation I had of meeting you once again — but also to cancel the massive autumn European tour I was supposed to announce next week. I don’t need to tell you that it came out as a massive reality check for me, but even more so for my bandmates, crew members, numerous collaborators, and partners in crime who all had dedicatedly worked so hard to organize and set everything up for me to be back on the road in the coming months. The sole idea of having to make that cancellation/rescheduling call bore terrible sensations and left me emotionally stranded for quite a while. Letting people down is the worst of all feelings for me, especially as everyone has been so earnestly supportive and faithfully benevolent toward me. But regardless of my heartrending feelings, it’s nonetheless the best and most sensible decision I could make for the sake of my recovery at this point.
On a shinier note, this momentary powerlessness allows me to contemplate the kaleidoscopic multi-layered journey my existence has been up to this very point in time. Unable to move much or to talk for long, I started begging to hear… Discovering, learning, and evolving until I am able to listen, which I have never been too good at, as you may have guessed. Nature is a tremendous source of self-reflective honesty. I found it highly spiritual to observe it, to be part of a whole rather than the center that holds everything around me. Miss Isabel even bought me binoculars; she must have been tired of hearing me constantly talk about birds. The band has been teasing me ever since I mentioned wanting to buy a telescope! But don’t worry, I’m not on that kind of meds and I haven’t traded my high-buttoned shirts for long white robes either. I’m simply admiring what I’ve overlooked all my life, too busy running everywhere, principally away from myself. I won’t lie, it hurts to be grounded as I am right now. But I realized that I had been longing for that evolving stream way before I had my cardiac grafts, although I was resisting the enduring motion pressuring me to follow my instincts to outgrow my fears to expand my views and be transformed from deep within. The restriction of my willingness to truly change is often tied up to my misconception of what it means to continually emancipate myself. I don’t need a long-term vision to see it all clearly now… It took me a while, but I’ve never been more awakened and sincere than I have been lately…
Therefore, it’s inspired by that introspective state of mind that I’ll go — if my condition allows me — to New York City around the end of April. There’s a significant redesign and restructure I want my artistic adventure to go through from here on out, and there’s no better opportunity for me to establish that new foundation than during my recovery. It couldn’t be more beautifully aligned. My new “chance” at life, from a symbolic and a literal standpoint, has been nothing short of a graceful favor. It’s been incredibly challenging for me to envision canceling/rescheduling my 2023 projects and events, but I’m utterly enthusiastic about every renewed and additional possibility that unexpected situation has to offer me as I’m slowly getting back on my feet. I hope I’ll soon have the necessary energy to look into some of the projects I had on my heart and mind a little more in the upcoming weeks, as well as get back into writing my book about the “Not All Wonders Have Been Lost” tour. If everything I usually do involves a considerable measure of personal introspection and an engaging process, my every step now requires quite a measure of devotional dedication and fierce commitment to navigate, which, in many ways, gives every single one of those steps an immensely meaningful fulfillment as I persevere and defy my doubts and discouragement through cultivating love and peaceful abandonment. That is also, in and of itself, a process for me to fully embrace.
Thank you all once again for your kindness and understanding. It might be a much longer and more challenging journey than I initially expected and hoped for, but being uplifted by your indefectible support feeds the determination I need to envision and welcome every day as the precious gift it is for me to be alive and renewed.
Be safe.
Much love,
Your friend and brother,
Alex
PS: As you might have noticed, I’ve started answering all the magnificent messages you sent over the last few months. My time spent online is considerably more restrained than usual, so I don’t want you to worry if you haven’t received any word from me so far… It will come as a surprise you weren’t expecting 😉
Thank you all once again for your kindness and understanding. It might be a much longer and more challenging journey than I initially expected and hoped for, but being uplifted by your indefectible support feeds the determination I need to envision and welcome every day as the precious gift it is for me to be alive and renewed.
Be safe.
Much love,
Your friend and brother,
Alex
PS: As you might have noticed, I’ve started answering all the magnificent messages you sent over the last few months. My time spent online is considerably more restrained than usual, so I don’t want you to worry if you haven’t received any word from me so far… It will come as a surprise you weren’t expecting 😉
