I was half-there and half-absent when Mikko appeared. I’m not that good at hiding, so he immediately figured that something was off with me. We talked for a while… It was like a friend comforting another, not a producer wondering if that would be the last punch for me to take before calling time out on the ongoing album process. I don’t think I’ve ever had to face so many profound emotional blows before… As if everything wasn’t going too fast for me already. I’m truly in the eye of the storm, looking at significant elements of my life being uprooted one after the other. I know it’s a positive place to be – to be stripped down from the past and all – but it deeply hurts nonetheless. “Should I pause for a moment?” I wondered… “Should I just take a break for a while? Would I be able to do so without being filled with the guilt of letting everyone down?” I’m so blessed to see my friends and bandmates having such a fulfilling uplift as they work on the record, so it’s not an easy place for me to be, especially knowing that my loved ones kind of put their lives on hold for more than a year, waiting for me to recover. It shows a little bit of the fabric I am made of… No wonder I’ve admired Muhammad Ali for so long. It wouldn’t be my first rope-a-dope, nor would it be my last. Like Ben laughingly tells me: “You’re a real Brit-Irish MoFo, nothing knocks you down.” It does, brother, it truly does, more than you may even imagine.

We went for a long walk. It always helps me clear my head and it serves my daily objective of a minimum of 10k steps as well. I might be totally shaken up inside, but I still value efficiency. We went back home, and Mikko asked me: “You can say no, but do you want to lay down a guide vocal track for “As Morning Sets In?” I went; There’s no point in spending the day crying in my bed, feeling sorry for myself. I am not the only one having to deal with the sorrowfulness of reality. Everyone was a bit surprised to see me back in the studio. I did my vocal guide track on the song, which reflected the long emotional journey it is to face the stream of life, the resilience needed to go through your longest nights fighting against your own desperation, believing that the light of dawn will eventually appear in the distance, a benevolent light that will eventually reach you out. Once you take an ultimate chance to go out of your cocoon of darkness, it takes courage to admit just how hopeless you have become as time passed by… That’s why I have always had the utmost admiration for those who will make the unimaginable last effort to go out of their inner house on fire. I so often end up lying down, just a move away from the door, from the light… That’s what I remind myself every single time I want to abandon: one more step, one more move, knowing that if you go beyond the strength you thought you didn’t even have, someone will come and reach out for you. Closer to the door, closer to the light…

There was a song titled “Storm”, perfectly named according to the circumstance, that I wanted to work on for the record. I invited everyone to give it a live go. It was amazing from the get-go. Mikko was fired up and said: “Great choice Alex, I have a ton of ideas.” I laughed, telling him that he knew that, when he came to get me to do what was supposed to be a 2-minute guide vocal recording, I would not only stay but would encourage the band to get into that celebrative motion. “Well, I would have absolutely respected your decision to take your day off after the terrible news, but I know you well enough now to have the certainty that you needed some noise and energy to channel your emotions.” Mikko was right on so many different levels; while most people look for peace and silence, it’s in the chaos of life that I find comfort. In other circumstances, I would have flown to New York, Tokyo, or Berlin to purge my raging pain. Instead, it’s in the band’s chaotic sound that I would have to go through it all. “Storm”… I couldn’t have planned it better, even if I had tried.

The song was better than I had initially felt. It would have to go through tape loops and all to give it a singular sonic personality, which would have to be made tomorrow morning when Jojo would be back from her night out for the premiere of Dune 2 in Montreal. Lucky her! But she deserves it; she’s worked hard, with a smile, and she’s brought a wonderful vibe to the whole process. So instead of pressing on, we migrated to a song titled “Walk Fast” – a fragment of it. I was looking to add that part at the end of “Storm”, but once we started to play the part, Mikko came out of the studio, telling us to keep on playing. He moved microphones around and we played the song instinctively for about an hour until we had an impactful shape to work with. It became “Run, Run, Run”, as walking fast wasn’t enough, I suppose. It was quite different from the rest of the record, but in a great way. I juxtaposed the idea of the pass-over story with how my uncle had been deprived of his dignity by the people he was surrounded by. I have never held art hostage to my anger, nor have I used any of it to set the record straight with others… I don’t envy Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriend-revenge body of work, but I understand the temptation to do so – if any of it is true in the first place. So for me, it was about integrating the different emotions involved with offering what we have to others and what is so easily taken away from us, what we have that is so valuable that we are willing to become someone we always promised ourselves we’d never turn into. Or what do we hold on to so dearly that we are willing to sacrifice a part of who we are for a brief opportunity to save such a personal element until morning comes? It’s not easy to let go and to trust; it’s more convenient for us to find the perfect excuses to steal what we owned in the first place. Those two distinct characteristics live in every one of us – at least, they are present within me…

Mikko: We got it, guys! Come for a quick listen!
Ben: We were not even ‘on’. How could it be done?
Mikko: It’s called capturing lightning in a bottle… Let’s go, check this out!
Us (after listening to it): Wow, it’s pure energy and honesty!
Me: Can we add more to the song? It’s only 3:15…
Mikko: Alex, you are tired right now. Let’s all get some rest.
Everyone cracked up laughing.
Alex: True, we’ll deal with that later…
Mikko (smiling): Absolutely, absolutely.
Ben: No, we won’t!