Edition #33
My In-Flight Blues: Tales of Palm Reading and Predestined Fate
Another flight, another desynchronization. If most people’s lives are made of straight lines, mine is a reconstruction of small fractures brought back together, pieced back, a sort of reality in pointillism, an improbable assemblage of small strokes made of common and ordinary sensations if looked into individually but wonderfully unique once blended as a single entity. That’s what my life looks like; weird at best, but magnificent nonetheless…
It’s funny how existence evolves through the motion of souvenirs long past. Sitting on a plane coming back from Japan, looking through the window, an image of a person who has been very special to me came to mind, a person I dearly carry with me. I remembered talking to her one day — it was ages ago. She read my palm lines. She was into that stuff, while I have always been a pragmatic dreamer. She took my hand, looked at me with her bright green eyes reflecting the benevolence of her heart and the majesty of her soul:
“Alex, your lines are an ensemble of intertwined and fractured elements, followed by deeply carved lines. Options… Several lives within a life. It will be hard for you, but you will find your way in the end. Never lose faith. Keep glowing no matter what. You’re a sun, and it’s a terribly lonely place to be, but there will be stunning wonders growing from your light one day.”
I didn’t make much of it, if only that I was utterly amazed by her uniqueness. As for the rest, I don’t believe in predetermination. I guess that explains why I’m quite an optimist for a depressively inclined individual. That must also explain the reason why one of my biggest regrets in life remains having rejected that person’s kindness and generous affection towards me, to save her from myself I believed at the time, when the reality was that I was afraid of rejection, of being hurt, stigmata of having been sexually abused as a kid, I suppose.
That being said, I do have faith that such highly significant times will come for me someday. I just have to follow the bedazzling dots that have been carved in the mysteries residing in the vulnerability of my hands, which strangely look like those of my late father’s with every passing day; building hands, artistic hands, caring hands, supportive hands… And maybe, one day, they will become loving hands as well. Lines or not, predestined or not.
“Alex, your lines are an ensemble of intertwined and fractured elements, followed by deeply carved lines. Options… Several lives within a life. It will be hard for you, but you will find your way in the end. Never lose faith. Keep glowing no matter what. You’re a sun, and it’s a terribly lonely place to be, but there will be stunning wonders growing from your light one day.”
I didn’t make much of it, if only that I was utterly amazed by her uniqueness. As for the rest, I don’t believe in predetermination. I guess that explains why I’m quite an optimist for a depressively inclined individual. That must also explain the reason why one of my biggest regrets in life remains having rejected that person’s kindness and generous affection towards me, to save her from myself I believed at the time, when the reality was that I was afraid of rejection, of being hurt, stigmata of having been sexually abused as a kid, I suppose.
That being said, I do have faith that such highly significant times will come for me someday. I just have to follow the bedazzling dots that have been carved in the mysteries residing in the vulnerability of my hands, which strangely look like those of my late father’s with every passing day; building hands, artistic hands, caring hands, supportive hands… And maybe, one day, they will become loving hands as well. Lines or not, predestined or not.
I believe that it is first and foremost a matter of heart disposition to welcome the happiness coming our way, just like it is a defying willingness to trust in your ability to nurture love, and an empowering desire to share its impacting vibrancy to others rather than waiting for the stars to align themselves in order to embrace the little fragments of wonders we come across. Blissfulness is a blazing fire that only exists through our resilience to feed the fragility and vulnerability of an initial spark. It will keep growing as we faithfully cultivate its need for constant engagement until we become the eternal light born of the burning fire from within ourselves.
Well, I think it’s truly time for me to go back home now. I greatly miss my 2 pups MacKaye and Leonard, but it will be time for me to start another physical therapy attempt after so many setbacks. I will be by myself after months being under the good care of friends and loved ones… I learned over the year that silence, as deep and troubling as it might be, has nothing to do with loneliness, and there’s a profound comfort in that sole idea… The perfect set up for me to dwell on the lyrical dimension of my next album before starting its production in just over 2 months from now.
Time flies, let’s spread our wings… It is the love that moves!
And I wish you much of that love, my precious friends.
AHF
Well, I think it’s truly time for me to go back home now. I greatly miss my 2 pups MacKaye and Leonard, but it will be time for me to start another physical therapy attempt after so many setbacks. I will be by myself after months being under the good care of friends and loved ones… I learned over the year that silence, as deep and troubling as it might be, has nothing to do with loneliness, and there’s a profound comfort in that sole idea… The perfect set up for me to dwell on the lyrical dimension of my next album before starting its production in just over 2 months from now.
Time flies, let’s spread our wings… It is the love that moves!
And I wish you much of that love, my precious friends.
AHF